Dear Caspian

Dear Caspian,

I miss you so much it hurts.  Just when I thought things were beginning to look up again you had to leave us.  When I got home from work today, for a split second I forgot what had happened and I looked down, expecting to see you waiting at the doorway to greet me, just like you always did. 

You brought so much joy and life into our house.  There are so many wonderful memories, so many funny little stories that you star in.  You are the cat that inspired a thousand silly songs, the reason our house always stayed fly-free in the summer, the perpetrator behind several pairs of flip-flops chewed to oblivion and beyond.  You are the cat that hid under the Spirea bush in the summer to cool down, who ate weird things cats shouldn't like, who hid in the linen closet when we weren't watching, who brought down a bird just to spite us every time we sent you out with a bell on your collar.    

When we lost the baby over Thanksgiving, I honestly felt like I might never want to get out of bed ever again.  But then you would snuggle up to me and remind me that you still needed me to take care of you.  You sat in my lap with me while I cried and butted your head into my hand until I petted you.  You refused to let me give up and I am so grateful you were there for me then.   

I held you all night long while you got sicker and sicker, I petted you and loved you and told you over and over how sorry I was that you were sick and how much I wished I could help you.  You cried for me to be present with you every time my eyes threatened to close.  When you left this world, we were both with you, wishing you could stay but knowing that it was time for you to go.         

When I first saw you in the animal shelter, I knew that you were mine.  When I held you for the first time, you snuggled down right into my arms,  looked up at me with your pretty green eyes and sighed contentedly.  From that time on, I knew you were special to me and I can only be thankful for the time we had with you.  

When our family, whatever size or shape it takes on from here on out, ends up together forever, my heart tells me that you will be there to be a part of it. 

Bye buddy.  We love you and miss you.  So much.