24 October 2011

a 2 a.m. discussion with my body

Arms, to me:  Hey!  Wake up and roll off of your back, baby's on the spine and we're getting pretty numb here!
Me:  Go away, I'm sleeping.
Arms:  tingle tingle tingle
Legs:  tingle tingle tingle
Fingers & toes:  tingle tingle tingle
Head: whooooo! You'd better do it, I feel funny too!
Spine:  Me three! 
Me:  Fine.  rolls over and wiggles extremities
Arms & legs & fingers & toes: TINGLE Tingle tingle tingle tingle 
Me:  Hurry it up, will ya?
Arms & legs & fingers & toes:  how rude.   
Me:  Shhh. Trying to sleep here!

...ten minutes later

Bladder:  Since you're up...
Me:  I am not up! 
Bladder:  Well, you're going to be now, cuz I gots to go!
Me:  You said that at midnight and it was a lie.
Bladder:  This time it's for real.
Me: ignoring bladder
Bladder: Seriously, move it or lose it missy!

...five minutes later

Baby:  kick kickety kick kick kick
Bladder:  Ack!!!
Me:  Ack!!!

... two minutes later

Me:  I knew you were lying.
Bladder:  Not lying...exaggerating.   
Me:  incoherent mental grumbling

...ten minutes later

Baby:  punches ribs
Ribs:  The baby is punching us.
Me:  Give him a break, he doesn't understand what he's doing.
Baby:  punches ribs
Ribs:  He punched us again!  Make him stop!
Me:  And how do you suggest I accomplish that?
Baby:  punches ribs
Ribs:  He's punching us!  He's punching us!  He's punching us!
Me:  la la la, not listening!  
Baby: punches ribs repeatedly
Me:  Smooshes pillow under side of stomach.  
Baby:  punches ribs a few more times, then relocates
Ribs:  ahhh, thanks!
Me:  too tired to respond

...fifteen minutes later

Bladder:  Yooo-hooo!  Guess what!
Me:  Absolutely not!
Bladder:  Yup, it's that time again.
Me:  smooshes a pillow over head 
Bladder:   I own you, lady!  Don't fight it. 
Me:  groan

3 comments:

  1. I like this story! It makes me laugh. But I hope you discomfort is less now.

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  2. This was so funny and true I just sprayed milk out of my nose. You should do all of your posting like this!

    ReplyDelete