He who moves not forward, goes backward. (Johann Wolfgang von Goethe)

Top 5 reasons to love my winter coat

5. It is red and woolly
4. It is nice and warm
3. It's professional looking, so no more office jokes about my ski jacket from costco (which I also like)
2. It has two sets of pockets.

What do you use two sets of pockets for, you might ask? Keep reading.

1. I found out today that I can fit a book in one of my bottom pockets. A normal-sized, hardcover book.

I will never again underestimate the happiness that convienient book transportation brings me.

Cell Phones in the Bathroom

"What was that - I couldn't hear you - I was flushing."

That's the first thing I heard today when I walked through the door to use the facilities at work: A co-worker multitasking from the echoing recesses of the semi-private corporate bathroom stall. Perhaps she thought it would be efficient of her to combine her business with...other business...though I beg to differ.

What is wrong with us? Are we so consumed with being accessible that we must have our privacy invaded even within the sanctuary of the porcelain throne? Is nothing is off-limits? And what of the poor soul on the other line, who is forced to endure the background noise attendant to your conversation? Are they sincerely glad you were so concerned with taking their call that you pressed that little green button mid-stream? Honestly - some things should be kept to yourselves!

My Inquiring mind wants to know, did my co-worker's mother and father tenderly read her such literary gems as *Everyone Poops, or perhaps the critically acclaimed A Potty for Me!: A Lift-the-Flap Instruction Manual when she was a little one? No, of course not, I am being silly. It must have been the classic What's Your Poo Telling You, since she was obviously highly intent on sharing that discussion with the general public via direct cell phone connection.

*I link to the books not to assist in their perpetuation, but to prove that I am not merely being facetious

My question is...

Why not stop after the first million dollars you steal?

...and they doubted!

The orchid blooms!

As the newbie in the legal department, I was given the impossible task of caring for the legal department orchid, which was, as Miracle Max would say, mostly dead. They told me it was useless, that it was a joke, that it was just a dried up old twig. They laughed, they lectured, and yet I persevered. After nearly six months of once weekly waterings and basking in the light of the window at the back of my cubicle, a flower stalk shot up at the beginning of April. I crossed my fingers. They raised their eyebrows. Now I shall lay the proof before them and they shall all be speechless (which seems much more impressive when you realize that the majority of them are attorneys).

All hail my green thumb!

tee hee hee.

along came a spider and sat down beside her

Except the spider didn't really sit, it more dangled from the ceiling in front of the back door.

I thought it was a fly and tried to swat it out of the door, as I had been in the process of letting the cat in. When I swatted it, spider legs made contact with my hand about the same time HAH yelled "SPIDER!" and I realized it was very much not a fly. I shrieked and backed up, knocked over my mother's prized Christmas Cactus, shattered the pot it was planted in, fell over backwards and rolled through the rubble to a stop just to the side of the dinner table, much to the delight of those in the dining room (though I don't blame them, I bet it looked pretty funny).

After picking myself up and helping clean up the mess I mostly just felt stupid (and still a little scared).

And I thought the pizza incident was bad. :)

Sorry Mom!!!