just add garlic and stir

yellow slicers, romas, cherries, and large-leaf Italian basil

Dear Miss Spider

Dear Miss Spider;

I ignored your web whilst reaching for a tomato early this morning, because the out of doors is your home and you are likely helping to manage the insect population in my back yard.  That was before I saw you.

Then you scurried out from under your leaf.

 

Miss Spider, I have decided that you are so spectacular, you are welcome to have that entire tomato plant all to yourself.  I am certainly not going to be putting my hands anywhere near you or your web ever, ever again. 

Very Respectfully,
Me

excited to begin a new assignment

3 things I don't want to admit to myself

3.  Pushing the snooze button makes me feel sleepier than if I'd just gotten up with the alarm in the first place.  

2.  Mr. Clean's lawn-mowing lines are always way straighter than mine are.

1.  Fruit snacks are pretty much the same thing as candy.

terrible translations

We receive translations from in-market volunteers frequently.  Some are better than others.  Many are terrible.  The following are exerpts from a submission for approval on some marketing materials, etc. relating to the launch of a personal care line from a sattelite office in Asia. 

When applied to corpse lotion smell seem natural

...we should really start marketing to funeral homes.

Reckless combining product! Unwise! Can lead, to be large, disaster!

...If the large disaster is defined as reckless utilization of excessive punctuation, I think we're there.

No ingestion of adult and children

...dang.  I thought the brochure said there would be a continental breakfast.

Not for application on eye ball

...sorry folks, you'll have to find your eyeball cleanser elsewhere.

Product distracting when distributed at sensitive neighborhoods

...this is understandable, due to all of the strobe lights and sirens we work into our packaging.

Bad ingredient not accepted or rejected by formula 

...because that's how we roll...indecisively!

 I'm off to tactfully suggest a 3rd party translation review.

 

Introducing....

Introducing

The Sultan of Suds, the Captian of Comet Cleanser, the Duke of Detergent, the Viscount of Vacuuming, the Baron of Bleach...

Mr. Clean! 

Also known as my awesome husband.

:)